Trusting God for provision

I continue to try to figure out why I push myself so hard.  Too hard.  I'm hurting myself and my family.  

I think it is related to both shame and fear.  At least some part of it is that I care too much about what other people think, and I want people to approve of me.  I don't want to risk being ashamed of myself.

I also have an irrational fear of not having enough money to meet my family's basic needs.  

Jesus said, "Do not worry." About tomorrow.  About having enough food, clothes, shelter, ...  Somehow, I still have an orphan mindset, that I have to provide for myself.

God gave the Israelites manna in the desert.  They only needed to gather enough for today.  Gathering extra for tomorrow is a wasted effort, because it will spoil.  I want to trust Him that I only have to work enough for today.

On August 8, we had a small men's retreat, and we began by meditating on Psalm 23.  I was impressed that it is good for me to depend on God.  He is my Father, and I am his child. He is the shepherd, and I am a sheep.

I've been journalling in a handwritten journal, trying to learn to hear and listen to God's voice.  Last Sunday, the pastor gave us a minute to listen to God's voice at the end of the service.  I asked him about my desire to help people around the world with clean/safe water.

He said I don't need to have it all figured out.  He reminded me of the parable about the farmer who goes to sleep, and the crop grows while he is resting, without him even understanding how.

Mark 4:26-29 NIV — He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” 

After the season of depending on daily manna, the promised land was already rich and abundant, flowing with milk and honey before they took over.  God gave them the abundance of the enemy.  And God promised them that if they were good steward and honored the weekly Sabbath, the Sabbath year, and the year of Jubilee, they would continue to overflow with abundance.

Father, I want to trust you.  I want to give you my shame and fear and receive your approval and unconditional love.  Please forgive me for my pride and arrogance, thinking that I can take care of myself.  I need you.  You are my saviour.  I depend on you.  Thank you for loving me and caring for me.  I love you.

Identity: sinner vs child of God

Jesus contrasts two mindsets: sinners an children of God.

Luke 6 NIV
27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I have heard some well-intentioned people say, "I'm just a sinner, saved by grace." But from Luke 6 and 2 Cor 5, it is clear that our identity changes when we become children of God:

2 Cor 5 NIV

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ... 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Through faith in Jesus, we are a new creation.  I think it is fundamental to us operating as the righteousness of God that we reckon our former identity (i.e., sinner) as dead.

Gal 2:19-21 NIV

For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!

Father, thank you for making a way for us to become your children through faith in Jesus.  Jesus, thank you for being the Way.  Holy Spirit, please empower me to live for God, keeping in step with you.  I love you.

Certainty of our faith

Luke 1

Luke, who learned faith in Jesus second-hand, set out to write a careful account to Theophilus (symbolic of those who love God).  

V. 4  

"so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught."

We can be sure of our faith in Jesus.  It is not a fairy tale.  It is not a philosophy.  It is a relationship of trusting the one who loves us so much that He was willing to die for us to bring us back to the Father.

Father, thank you for providing the Scriptures for us.  Thank you that we can be sure of our faith in Jesus.  Jesus thank you for your amazing life.  I love you.

Scripture and God's power

When Jesus was questioned about a hypothetical situation involving a woman who married each of seven brothers, He explained that the hypothetical situation and their conclusions were erroneous because they were ignorant of both the Scriptures and the power of God.

I want to avail myself to experience both, every day.

Father, draw me in to know you through your Scripture and your power.  I want to walk as a son. May others see your goodness and love through me.  I love you.

That we and grace might reign

Rom 5

17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!

...

21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

God is patient in judgement. Jesus made a way for us to transition from being in bondage to sin and death to reigning in abundant life and grace.

Choose life.  Choose grace.

Father, I love you.  Thank you for your patience, mercy, and grace! Help me choose life, every day!  Jesus, I want to reign with you and your grace.  Holy Spirit, help me listen to you.

Holy versus perfect

I have lived most of my life with a false notion that something needed to perfect to be used by God.  I'm discovering that my perspective of "perfect" is a mirage.  I'm learning that Jesus was the perfect sacrifice, so I don't have to try to be perfect on my own to be used by God.  I need to rest on the surety of His mercy and the abundance of His grace.

I'm also learning that, actually, something needs to be holy to be used by God.  Holy means "set apart."  

Father, you have chosen to set me apart for your purposes.  You make me holy.  I yield and submit to you.  Please help me give up my tendency to strive in my own strength to please you; this tendency stems from a deception that I can make myself good enough for you, originating from pride in the depths of my soul.  I confess my arrogance and wrong thinking, and I repent.  I want to be a humble man, entirely dependent on your love and faithfulness.  I love you.

Castle

I haven't been sleeping well recently, waking up between 2:30a and 4:00a.  I start thinking about my to-do list at work, and then I remember other things I need to add to my list.  But I feel like it is a spiritual attack on my sleep to try to get me discouraged and steal my joy.

I was telling Dalton yesterday that on the one hand, I see King David referring to God has his refuge, strong tower, etc., so I can simply rest in the goodness of God and his protection.  On the other hand, is God allowing this to happen for me to learn to stand up for myself and fight back?

Dalton shared a concept of me inside a castle, and the enemy is banging on the gate.  He can't get inside, but he can cause a disturbance.  This visual was really helpful.

I believe I have the delegated authority to tell the enemy to stop and desist. 

Father, you are my castle.  I am safe within your protection. Jesus, you are the gate.  Holy Spirit, please instruct me in how to issue stop and desist orders to the enemy.  I love you.