Expensive money

‭2 Kings 5:20, 24, 26-27 NIV‬

[20] Gehazi, the servant of Elisha the man of God, said to himself, "My master was too easy on Naaman, this Aramean, by not accepting from him what he brought. As surely as the Lord lives, I will run after him and get something from him." ... [24] When Gehazi came to the hill, he took the things from the servants and put [the silver and clothes] away in the house. ... [26] But Elisha said to him, "Was not my spirit with you when the man got down from his chariot to meet you? Is this the time to take money or to accept clothes—or olive groves and vineyards, or flocks and herds, or male and female slaves? [27] Naaman's leprosy will cling to you and to your descendants forever." Then Gehazi went from Elisha's presence and his skin was leprous—it had become as white as snow.

There are so many things in this world that one can chase.  Most people don't realize the consequence of biting the hook hidden within the bait.

I feel convicted about spending too much time working, trying to make sure that I cover my summer salary.  I wish I spent more time with my kids.

Father's Day is a reminder of how far I need to go to be a good dad.

Father, help me be more like you.  Seems impossible, but you call me to be perfect like you, so I want to try.  Holy Spirit, please help me listen to you.  I love you.

Heavy loss and ironic timing

Yesterday, Brandi and I closed on a house that has an attached apartment so Brandi's parents could move in with us. It was the only house that checked all the boxes. Thankful for Father's provision.

Sadly, also yesterday, Brandi's dad passed away unexpectedly.  We prayed every night for him to be healed, but the progression of Bill's ALS was steady. We sensed that time was short, but we didn't think it was that short. 

Nonetheless, we are thankful for the 11 months we have had back home with them to make so many great memories.  Perhaps as a culmination, we just had a family reunion with Bill's siblings and their families this past weekend. 

The timing of closing on the house and Bill going on to be with the Lord on the same day is so ironic to me.  It feels like a gut punch, and I'm still reeling.

Reflecting on the longer timeline, it was hard to leave El Paso after 13 years of hard work digging trenches and postholes to make friends and establish professional momentum.  But I felt like God had opened up a little window of opportunity for us to spend time with Bill and support Denise as she cared for him.  

Not everyone in El Paso understood that dynamic.  Maybe I could have done a better job at trying to explain it.  Some people who were very close to me became very bitter at me for leaving.  But now I know it was a very small window of opportunity in the grand scheme of things.  If I had waited a year, I would have missed it.  I am sad for the loss of friendships of those who did not understand the stakes, but I am so very thankful for the many memories that my family made with PopPop these past 11 months.  They are irreplaceable.

Zooming out even further, I am so thankful for the privilege of being Bill's son-in-law.  I still can't believe he let me marry his daughter , especially at such a young age.  He invited me to call him, "dad," and he was proud of me like a son.  He was a spiritual leader and committed to growing in faith.  And he demonstrated for me one of the greatest lessons in mercy and grace I've every seen; I had hurt Brandi so deeply, and they drove to Austin to counsel us.  They extended forgiveness to me immediately, and they encouraged Brandi to forgive me.  A month or two ago, I seemingly randomly told Bill how much that still means to me.  I'm so thankful that I told him when I had the chance.

Father, thank you for your sovereign timing.  Thank you for the opportunity to be back home with family.  Thank you for Bill, his mentorship and spiritual leadership.  I still wish you had healed him from ALS.  Maybe you wish I had healed him.  Maybe one day I'll understand why you didn't or why I didn't.  I want to be like Jesus, and Jesus sure healed a lot of folks.  I would appreciate it if you get me on track, resolve whatever the disconnect is so I can heal people.  I love you.