My life is too busy

‭Proverbs 3:13, 17 NIV‬

[13] Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding,

...

[17] Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.

A peaceful and pleasant life is associated with finding wisdom.  However, I push myself too hard, and I overload myself with responsibility. I care too much about what other people think of me. I judge myself critically.  

Wisdom tells me to know the limits of my finite capacity and to not obligate myself for 100% duty cycle.  Wisdom tells me to focus on what my Father thinks, not people.  Wisdom says Jesus is the judge, not me.

Father, I accept the invite of my humanity. Jesus lived a perfect life within the constraints of finite human capacity. He took time to sabbath and rest.  Jesus spent time daily with the Father to know His will.  I break agreement with the lie that my value is proportional to my productivity. I break agreement with the lie that I am capable of judging myself accurately. Jesus, I trust your evaluation. Holy Spirit, I submit myself to your loving guidance.  I love you.

Humble instead of judgemental

The sermon on Sunday focused on Luke 6.

‭Luke 6:37-38 NIV‬

[37] "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. [38] Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

There is only one person who will judge: Jesus.  Not me.

I repent from arrogance and pride which leads to judging others.  I break agreement with the mindsets from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Instead, I humble myself before Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and partner with the mindsets from the tree of life.

Father, thank you for your mercy and grace.  Thank you for your patience with me. I want to be a humble man. Holy Spirit, please guide me.  I love you. 

Perfect love

Matt 5:43-48 NIV

43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

If I want to be like my Father, I need to love everyone, not only my family and friends.  For much of my life, I have interpreted verse 48 as focusing on being morally perfect (i.e., without sin), but this morning it occurred to me that verse 48 is referring back to verse 45 and instructing us to love everyone (i.e., a perfect 100% of everyone).

Father, I am your son, and I want to love everyone and be kind to everyone as you are.  Jesus, thank you for showing me the way. Holy Spirit, thank you for your power.  I love you.

Breaking agreement with the fear of failure and shame

I called my mom yesterday afternoon and asked her if I've always been somber/melancholy personality, and she said she remembers me as a kid running and laughing freely.  I want to recover that freedom and joy.

I think at least one thing that has been constraining my joy is a fear of failure.  

I had a great conversation with Brandi at dinner last night about this issue. I worked hard in high school to get good grades. I remember worrying as I started college that I was going to fail out of college my first semester and be an embarrassment to my family and small town.  Then the pressure I put on myself went to the next level in college maintaining a "perfect" 4.0 GPA.  I remember my last semester being so stressed out about getting A's in all my courses.  Then in grad school, I ratcheted up the pressure on myself even higher, especially finishing my dissertation.  But the fear of failure was especially intense as an assistant professor.  I have struggled with imposter syndrome since I started as a professor.

What does agreement with the fear of failure offer me?  Somehow it is a temptation to mitigate the risk of shame by self-righteousness.

I am made in the image of Yahweh, and I am his adopted son.  I break agreement with the fear of failure and the fear of shame.  I choose to be motivated by the agape love of God.

Father, thank you for your endless mercy and grace through Jesus which covers my sin and shame and makes me whole and holy.  Thank you for your unconditional and unending agape love.  I love you.

Homework

As an educator, I require many homework assignments throughout the semester because I am biased by my own experience of learning a great deal through completing homework assignments.  I noticed a correlation that I felt like I learned more in courses which assigned more homework.

I sense that the Lord is inviting me to focus on practicing opportunities for spiritual growth in my own home with my wife and children.

Father, I want to be faithful in the small things, blessing my wife and children first with the overflow of your goodness through me.  I love you.