Distracted by worldly things

I have been working way too hard for way too long.

Why?

I think the first layer is because I don't want to let people down.  I care too much about what people think of me.  I want to have a good reputation. I live most of my life pressured by a great sense of duty and obligation. At times, I also worry about making sure I have enough research projects to cover my summer salary so that I can pay the bills.

Yesterday, the sermon was on Martha being distracted while Mary was singularly focused on listening to Jesus.

‭Luke 10:40-42 ESV‬

[40] But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." 

[41] But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, [42] but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

The word "distracted" is περισπάω (perispaō, the only appearance in the NT) which means to draw (like drawing a sword out of it's sheath) away.  The word "anxious" is μεριμνάω (merimnaō) which comes from a root word that means to separate into parts or to cut into pieces. The word "troubled" is θορυβάζω (thorybazō) which comes from a root word that means noise.

From my reading this morning:

‭1 Corinthians 7:29-32 ESV‬

[29] This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, [30] and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, [31] and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. [32] I want you to be free from anxieties. ... 

The truth is that our Father is a good Father, and He will take care of me and my family.  I want to care only what the Father thinks and not worry about what people think of me.

Father, I trust you, and I care what you think.  I want to honor you.  I have been arrogant and distracted.  Please forgive me, and deliver me from my inordinate sense of obligation.  I want to walk in freedom. I love you.

Walking with the Spirit

I tend to think I see the world in monochrome.  And when I feel like I've made a mistake or got burned, I tend to respond with a "That won't ever happen again" rule to protect myself.

But that's just religion.  That isn't walking with the Spirit.

Yesterday, I had my second counseling appointment sonce 2021, and it was really helpful.  The therapist pointed out some behavioral patterns that I can work on; I know it will take a devoted effort, but I have hope that I can be free from trying to earn the approval of others.

Father, I break agreement with rules-based living, and I make agreement with depending on a fresh word from Holy Spirit for every decision.  Jesus, thank you for your example.  I love you.