Reflections on marriage

Genesis 1:18

Yahweh God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from Yahweh.

The Lord blessed me with an incredible gift of meeting my future wife in junior high.  We have grown up together.  I am so thankful that our parents let us marry at such a young age and supported us in many ways, especially spiritually, emotionally, and financially.  The Lord has blessed me tremendously through Brandi; she is a wonderful wife!

Brandi is an amazing listener (like her dad was) and overflowing with joy from the Holy Spirit. In our dating in high school, Brandi helped me unpack discouragement and depression, and in grad school I realized that I wanted to let go of pessimism and emulate her optimism and hope.  In my professional career, she continues to believe in me and help me repent from self-criticism and perfectionism. She wakes up almost every morning with a positive and joyful attitude.  She consistently encourages me, and she calls out the favor of God in my life.

Brandi has demonstrated to me the love, mercy, and grace of the Lord.  I have hurt her severely and deeply at multiple points in our marriage, and she has chosen to forgive me, not keeping record of wrongs. She has also extended grace to me by consistently treating me well, even when I don't deserve it.  Following the example of the Lord Jesus, she extends to me the costly mercy and grace that she has received from Him.

Brandi is a wonderful wife and mother, and I have learned so much about being a husband and father from her, especially gentleness.  Brandi is thoughtful with me and each of our children, and she gives so selflessly for our growth and well-being.  She gave birth naturally to our four children, and she loves fiercely and passionately.  She is the best cheerleader! 

Brandi is a Proverbs 31 woman.  The Lord reminds me of this often; I want to do a better job of calling this out to her regularly.  She is creative, artistic, industrious, entrepreneurial, kind, generous to the poor, and she plans for the future.  She is strong, wise, and vigilant.  She is storing up treasures in heaven.  It is a privilege to be married to her, and she deserves to be honored for her character.

Brandi has been a spiritual partner since we were kids in youth group and youth camps.  We were in discipleship training together in college and evangelism training in grad school.  We were literally hand-in-hand when we opened up to going deeper with Holy Spirit in El Paso.  The Lord has been speaking to me through Brandi about learning to abide and rest in Him.  And I feel like the Lord is preparing us for the next phase of our missional calling here in Lubbock.

As I reflect on the marriage that the Lord has given me, words cannot convey the magnitude of her impact in my life.  It is truly a privilege to journey with such a magnificent person as we continue to advance in the abundant life that Christ Jesus has promised.

I resolve to continue to grow in loving Brandi selflessly as Christ loved the church.  I want to serve her well.

‭Ephesians 5:25-32 NIV‬

[25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— [30] for we are members of his body. [31] "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 

Father, thank you for this amazing gift of marriage with Brandi.  I pray that our marriage will honor you and point people to the lordship of Jesus.  Holy Spirit, thank you for your presence and power.  Please intensify your fire in us.  

Bow, sit, stand, walk

I went for a run this morning.  I haven't been sleeping well.  I have tried to be more consistent in exercise, and I have tried journaling my feelings before bedtime.  I am asking the Lord to give me good sleep which protects me against being stressed with work.  The Lord knows it is a catch 22.  When I let myself get stressed out about work, I don't sleep as well, and then I'm more vulnerable to stress.

I care too much about what other people think of me.  At the surface, it appears that I want people to have a good opinion of me.   But I started reading a book about shame, and I am now thinking so much of my motivation is a fear of letting people down which may be a fear of shame.

As I was running, I was telling the Lord that He is the only man who will judge me.  He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  His opinion is the only one that matters.

I was reminded of Psalm 1:

‭Psalms 1:1-3 NIV‬

[1] Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, [2] but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. [3] That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.

I was thinking about the progression in verse 1- walk, stand, sit; it is a degradation, a loss of momentum.  Not explicit in this passage, but the next step of the progression is bowing to idols. 

As I was running, the Lord gave me a word that the progression in His life is the opposite.  We first bow down (prostrate) in submission and worship of Jesus and repent from the ways of the world.  Then He seats us in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.  We rest in Him.  Then we stand with the righteousness of Christ upon us.  Then we walk worthy of our calling, completing the good works which he has prepared for us.

Father, thank you for your patience with me.  I want to be faithful and pass this test.  Holy Spirit, please deliver me from worldly mindsets and patterns, especially fear of shame.  I want to love you and be driven solely by a desire to love you and honor you.  Jesus, I want to serve you faithfully.  I want to abide and rest in your fellowship and communion.  I love you.

Freedom

The day before the 4th of July.

I want to be free from my overly strong sense of duty and responsibility that leads to me being a workaholic.

‭Galatians 5:1, 6 ESV‬

[1] For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. ... 

[6] For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love.

I can not impress God with my accomplishments. He connects with me on the basis of the sonship that He brought me into; He has fathered me.  I do not need to perform for His approval or even to gain audience with Him.  I can be myself with Him, my true incomplete and imperfect self.  In fact, being transparent and vulnerable with Him is essential to our communion.  

I want to stop trying to optimize my life based on the knowledge of good and evil or based on the law and works.  This is futile.

I believe the portal to freedom is abiding in Christ.  

Father, please teach me to abide.  Holy Spirit, I want to listen to you inviting me to abide, not the voices of the world trying to distract me or capture my attention with futile endeavors.  Jesus, you are the way, the truth, and the life.  You are the only way to the Father.  You are the vine, and I am a branch. I want to bear fruit that remains.  I am salt and light.  Father, I am your son.  Please help me walk in this identity and reality.  I love you.

Security and peace

Father, please forgive me for seeking security and peace in worldly things.  Please forgive me for thinking that I need to work so hard to provide for my family.  You are the provider, and you are the protector.  You are my security.  I am a steward.  Father, please deliver me from worldly mindsets; I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.  Father, also please purify my heart; I want my emotions to match your heart.  I want to live as a free man, walking in the overflow of your abundant life.  I love you.