Last week, I started listening to guided meditation through the app, Soultime. Based on the 61 question check-in, one of the top recommendations was a three part series on busyness. The first meditation was about how we might use busyness as a way of seeking significance/meaning, which I know that I have struggled with at times. The second meditation was about how we might use busyness as a way of avoiding soul wounds/pain, but I didn't sense that this point was as applicable for me. The third meditation was about how we might use busyness as a way of trying to earn approval from people or as a way of covering shame. At first, I didn't think this one applied that much to me, either, but I felt the Holy Spirit inviting me to open my heart and allow Him to search. I asked, "Is there anything that I am ashamed of?", and immediately, I remembered a situation from late elementary school for which I was very ashamed of myself.
I remembered something that Brandi had shared with me from the book Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Bill Johnson and Kris Vallaton about forgiveness and restoration to honor. I realized that since Jesus has forgiven me for all of my sins, and our Heavenly Father has made me a son, I can let go of my shame, because God is not ashamed of me. I can look upon myself with honor because that is the way my Father looks at me.
I have decided that anytime a thought comes to mind for which I am ashamed or disappointed of myself, I will break agreement with that feeling towards myself because it is not in agreement with God. These feelings are based on a lie that God has not forgiven me or does not approve of me. But if I have repented and asked for forgiveness according to the mercy of Christ, then I should receive His grace of restoration to honor, as well.
Furthermore, as I was sharing this in homegroup last night, Rachel encouraged us to not only let go of the shame and break agreement with the lies, but also to ask our Father for a new truth instead. In this way, we will double our growth.
Father, thank you for being a good father. I can trust you to give me good gifts. It pleases you to give good gifts to your children. Jesus, thank you for making the way for me to be forgiven and restored. Holy Spirit, thank you for my growing friendship with you and for guiding me to be aware of my heart. You are trustworthy with my heart. I look forward to letting go of more shame and walking in more of your power. I love you.
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