disciplining children

1 Tim 3

1 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)

I used to think that verses 4-5 meant that you need to make sure that your kids stay in line.  I used to think that necessitated rigorous discipline and frequent reminders of consequences, but recently I have learned that the way of Babylon is to threaten pain, and the way of Jesus is to reveal sonship/daughterhood to the Father through the Spirit.  That is not to say that there aren't situations that warrant a reprimand or spanking, but that there is a great deal of work that must be invested for a reprimand or spanking to be effective.  

If I express anger (e.g., raise my voice) at a child for not doing what I want them to, then I've lost perspective on the fundamental reality that the child is not actually mine and that I am a steward to shepherd them to know and love the Father.  If I rush to conclude that the child needs a reprimand or spanking before I have invested the substantial time and effort to explain the truth in love, then I am not temperate, self-controlled, respectable, or gentle, and I am letting the violent way of Babylon sabotage my efforts to lead my child to know and love the Father.  If my children "obey" me out of fear of discipline, then I've actually trained them in the way of Babylon and only accomplished behavior modification, not genuine loving obedience to the Father.

My desire is that my children follow me to the Father because they know that I love them and that the Father loves them.  Discipline is certainly part of love, and I want to exercise discipline in a strategic and measured way, in step with the Spirit, such that my own children respect me for the way that I discipline them.  My methods of discipline should be self-consistent with the intended outcome, which is for them to know and love the Father.

Father, thank you for your sacrificial love for me, and thank you for your great patience with me.  Jesus, thank you for showing us what it looks like to live a life of humble obedience to the Father, and leadership without adopting the way of Babylon.  Holy Spirit, thank you for giving me all of the power that I need to obey the Father and keep in step with you.  Thank you for making me a better parent (i.e., steward, not owner) of my children.  I love you.