Jesus, I'm watching for you

In my hotel room today, I wanted to turn around and see Jesus (like when He appeared to Paul in Corinth).

I told him that I am searching for Him and watching for Him.  I know that He is here, and I believe that I will see Him.

Jesus, I want to see you.  Yes, I want to see you more in the faces of others than I already do, but I really want to see you in you!  Please show yourself.  I love you.

I walk in joy because my family is in a good mood

I woke up at 3:45am to catch an early flight on Monday morning.  I was tired from my first baseball practice as head coach on Saturday morning and preaching Sunday afternoon.

As I was walking to my gate in the airport, I realized that I am in a good mood because my family is in a good mood.  My Father is in a good mood, my Big Brother Jesus is in a good mood, and my best friend Holy Spirit is in a good mood.  Even more, my wife is almost always in a good mood.  So, I am going to choose to be in a good mood.

Father, thank you for setting the culture of our family, and Jesus, thank you for revealing the Father.  Holy Spirit, thank you for your fun-loving attitude.  And thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful wife.  I love you.

Re-new me, today, so that I can be stretched again

And who would pour fresh, new wine into an old wineskin? Eventually the wine will ferment and make the wineskin burst, losing everything—the wine will be spilled and the wineskin ruined. Instead, new wine is always poured into new wineskins."

Mark 2:22 TPT

This can happen on a daily basis if I make my soul available to the Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit, make me new, again, today.  Your mercies are new every morning.  Yesterday was great, and I am thankful for that.  But I want more of you.  I am thirsty for you today.  And I want you to keep filling me.  You are so respectful that you don't generally barge your way in.  You enter when you are invited.  And then you expand.  Break loose anything in my life that does not honor you.  Remove anything that is taking up space in my soul that could otherwise be occupied by you.  Please wash out the dregs out of this wineskin to make more room for you.  Please fill me, as much as I can handle today, and prepare my soul to be stretched as much as you can today without destroying me. Increase my capacity to be filled and dispensed by you. Pour yourself through me so that others will taste and see that you are good.  You are so good!  You are the best vintage, ever!  I love you.

My Father doesn't think I'm a nerd

I listened to another Soultime meditation about shame, and I asked Holy Spirit to show me how I have judged myself.  The thought that came to mind is that somewhere in high school, I began to believe a lie that being an intelligent person is weird, and I let the stigma of being a "nerd" slip into my self-identity.

Sometimes I have struggled with the type of intelligence that God has given me.  For example, sometimes I have wished that God had given me artistic or musical talent, but I want to be grateful for the type of intelligence that I have.

A couple of weeks ago, Randy preached about loving the Lord with all of your mind, and he identified some lies about intelligence.  Intelligence does not make you a more valuable person than other people; intelligence is simply one type of gifting that God gives some people.  The question is, am I going to use this gift to love God and love my neighbor?

So, today, I resolve to reject shame about the intelligence that God has given me.  I will no longer give space to the "nerd" stigma that the enemy wants me to embrace.  The Lord has good plans for me to use the gifts that he has given me for His glory, and I will delight in who He has made me.

Father, you are good, and I celebrate your goodness.  You give good gifts to your children, and I will not stand in contempt of what you have given me.  Nor will I allow myself to believe that I am more special than anyone else because of the type of intelligence that you have given me.  Please give me a healthy self-awareness.  I commit myself to fulfill the destiny that you have for me.  I love you, and I pray in the name of Jesus.

The stone was rolled away for us, not for Jesus

There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it.

Matthew 28:2 NIV

I am not sure if I have understood this before, but after His resurrection, Jesus was suddenly in a locked room with His disciples, so obviously He was not confined in the tomb.  Thus, the angel rolled back so that we could see that the tomb is empty, not so that Jesus could get out.

I love the scene of the angel, bright as lightning, sitting on the stone, smiling ear to ear, eager to show off the goodness of God.

Father, thank you for sending the angel to roll back the stone from the tomb so that we can see that the tomb is empty.  Holy Spirit, fill me with joy in knowing that the tomb is empty. I love you.

I am putting down the gavel

I remember riding the bus in Austin with a guy named Herb, and he told me one time, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy."  But as the Holy Spirit revealed to me almost two months ago, I need to repent of being judgemental so that He can produce more joy in me. And I think it is connected to wanting to be correct.

Correctness is so deeply rooted in my thinking.  It is almost instinctual.  

I need to implement a litmus test of love.  Am I wanting to correct that person because I love them and sincerely want the best that God has for them?  For example, even with my children, I want to make sure that I am correcting them and disciplining them because I want them to experience the abundant life that Christ has promised.

I confess that, many times, I simply want justice to be served more than I want to better that person.  Somehow, I think I am the jury and the judge.

I think it goes back to eating the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden.  The consequence is that I think I know good and evil, omnisciently.  But I need to humble myself and repent of thinking that I am like God in knowing enough to pass correct judgment.  He, alone, is Judge.  

So, I am committing to put down the gavel.  

Holy Spirit, search me, and illuminate the motives of my actions.  I confess that I have been arrogant and proud, thinking that I am correct and that I know enough to pass judgment on others.  I humble myself before you and ask for your grace to show me when I pick up your gavel so that I can put it back down before I try to use it.  I don't even realize how dangerous it is for me to pick up your gavel - like a child picking up a nail gun, liable to hurt myself and others.  I choose joy instead of judgment.  Please grow more joy in me. I love you.

Feeling and processing frustration

I am listening to a Soultime app series about understanding shame, and one of the concepts was about how I felt and experienced things as a child.

Holy Spirit, I think when I was a child, I developed an unhealthy habit of expressing frustration with my brothers through verbal and physical violence.  I remember saying mean things or hitting them, and I confess that those ways of dealing with frustration are not righteous and Christ-like (James 1:20).  I am sorry that I did those things.  Thank you for your forgiveness and for washing me clean of those offenses.  

Holy Spirit, I wonder to what extent that created mental patterns or tendencies that might influence the way that I deal with frustration to this day.  I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, and I want the full mind of Christ (Phil 2:5-8).  I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom 12:1-2), so, I want my mind to be set on the Spirit 24-7 (Rom 8:5-6).  

Holy Spirit, when I get frustrated, about anything, I first want my mind to be aware that I am frustrated and to evaluate that frustration under the illumination of your presence.  I know that you will give me discernment.  If my frustration is legitimate, then give me supernatural guidance in how to express that frustration in a loving and constructive way.  Or if my frustration is only from the selfish flesh, then show me how to align my flesh with the death of Christ (Gal 2:20-21).  

I love you, and I am excited about the transformation that you are affecting in me.  

I am worthy of God's love

Shame is a painful feeling of not measuring up.  Guilt is about doing wrong, whereas shame is about being wrong.

Jesus, I break agreement with all shame.  You took all my shame on the cross, so there is none left for me.  Holy Spirit, who am I?

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13‭-‬14 NIV

Father, I am worthy of your love not because of anything I have done but because you made me that way.  You bought me back with the blood of Christ, and you don't have buyer's remorse.  I love you, and I love me for who I am because you intentionaly made me uniquely me.

What we should be doing in corporate gathering

After Jesus rode into town on a donkey's colt:

Matthew 21:12‭-‬14 NIV

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. "It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be called a house of prayer,'  but you are making it 'a den of robbers.' "  The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them.

Jesus showed them (and us) that we are not supposed to profit off of people's confession.  Instead, we should be healing people.

Saturday evening, we had an off-cycle Paseo gathering.  It was low turnout, but Peter shared a powerful framework for intimacy in relationships, and the elders went around praying for many of the people who were there.  I felt like we were living out Jesus's model.

Father, please bless our church to continue growing in doing your will.  I know that you love to heal.  I love you.

Drinking the cup

When the mother of James and John asked Jesus for her sons to be in the highest places of honor in His kingdom, Jesus replied:

"You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?" "We can," they answered.  Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father."  ... Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles Lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—  just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Matthew 20:22‭-‬23‭, ‬25‭-‬28 NIV

Just prior to this story, Matthew explained that Jesus clearly told his disciples what was going to happen in Jerusalem.  So, when Jesus asked them if they could drink his cup, I think He meant martyrdom.  But when James and John replied that they could drink the cup, I think Jesus's affirmation had a triple meaning.  First, literally, they would drink the cup of wine that represents His blood poured out for their son and mine.  Second, they would follow Jesus's lifestyle of servanthood.  Third, James did give his life as a martyr.

So, when I drink the cup in communion in our Sunday gathering, I want to remember that I am committing to be a servant and possibly a martyr.

Father, I want to follow your will.  I want my will to be molded to match your will.  I want to lovingly and joyfully serve my wife and children, church, friends, students, and colleagues.  Jesus, thank you for your example.  Holy Spirit, thank you for your presence and power to emulate Jesus.  I love you.

Prayer from Jan 9

I wrote this in my prayer journal several weeks ago, but I want to document it here.

Jesus, I am struggling with feeling overwhelmed with work.  What do you want me to do about this?

During His ministry, Jesus had a lot on His plate, but He didn't let it overwhelm Him because He daily took rest with the Father (and sometimes extra naps).  It's not about doing more; it's about doing the Father's will.

Jesus, thank you that joy is found in rest.  Jesus, what part of this struggle will help me?

You grow in maturity by learning to discern between what is good and what is best.  There are a lot of things you  could to, but what should you do?

Thank you, Father, that I am free in Christ from all that the world expects of me.  I am free to do only what you desire.  Jesus, what part of this struggle will hurt me?

If you allow yourself to be governed by the world's expectations, you will be battered by the tide against the rocky shore - battered to destruction.

Jesus, what do you want me to do with that part?

Don't sell yourself out to destruction.  Walk in life and abundance.

Thank you, Jesus.  I will follow you.  I love you.