argument

I wrestled with whether or not I should post this on my blog, and I came to the conclusion that if the purpose of this blog is to be a warm-fuzzy, feely-good, inspirational digest, then I shouldn't post this.  However, I decided that the purpose of this blog is to realistically document my sanctification, which includes lessons learned from conflict.  (Not surprisingly, the Bible exposes praise and blemishes quite frankly.)

 

I got into an argument with my wife last night - not an insignificant one, either.  Round and round we went (my wife and I are both the first-born of our siblings, so we are both pretty hard-headed) until, believe it or not, I made one particular comment that was quite hurtful and was exacerbated by the way it came across.  Now, after five years of marriage, we've had more than our fair share of conflict, so it's not like we're novices, but it was like she just dropped her boxing-gloves and quit.  I had crossed the event-horizon. 

 

Why did I do it?  Well, we all know the theological answer to that question - I'm a depraved human being, and I have been since I was conceived.  Existentially, I sinned in my anger.  I don't think there is anything morally wrong with arguing facts (even passionately), but I breached the status quo when I said what I said.

 

Soon thereafter, the Lord humbled my heart, and I apologized profusely (and rightly so, since I caused and provoked the conflict in the first place).  My wife is so merciful and forgiving; she forgives me over and over and over ...  I've made some really tragic mistakes in our marriage, but it is incredible how the Lord continues to give her grace to forgive me and move on.  I thank God for His consistent grace; indeed, it is new every morning.

 

The especially depressing thing to me is that I can never take it back.  Even though she has forgiven me, the scar still remains.  I pray that the Lord will heal her and restore her (as I know He can work miracles).  Praise the Lord, that He is faithful to work on me, day after day, even when my knuckleheadedness is especially pronounced.  I pray that he will continually turn my heart back to Him, for it is His work entirely that I progress towards reflecting His image.  Well, I certainly didn't look like Christ in this case (which compounds the tragedy because as a husband, I am supposed to be an example of Christ to the Church), but I pray that I learned a lesson here and that I don't repeat it in the future.  I am humbled that Christ died on the cross to bring reconciliation between the Father and the estranged children, and Christ works now, too, in my daily life - even to reconcile an obstinate husband to his wife.

 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my wicked behavior.  You have been so gracious and merciful to me - through Christ and through my wife.  Lord, please help me, for it is only by your grace that I may live as the husband you desire me to be.  What a wretched man I am; how in need of a Saviour.  Jesus, please save me from myself, and redeem my life from destruction.  Father, I beg you to sanctify me quickly so that I don't repeat this grievance and I can mature into a better husband.  Holy Spirit, please comfort my wife, and may she seek and find sufficiency in her relationship with You.  I pray this in the name of Christ Jesus.  Amen.