I suppose that I had not consciously recognized the extent of my geekiness until I married my wife, and she (along with certain friends) periodically make me acutely aware of my peculiar and especially geeky behavior. I assure you that I do experience internal conflict in regard to appropriate social behavior, and I sincerely attempt to maintain the status quo ( i.e., an image of normalcy), but that usually only lasts about half an hour, at most. Indeed, my geekiness is exacerbated proportionally to my proximity to and duration of contact with other engineers/scientists. Hence, at social gatherings that involve other engineers/scientists, it is highly improbable that I should be able to restrain all my geeky tendencies.
The tangential spiritual conflict arises as a tension between two extremes: (1) revealing/sharing my true thoughts with my acquaintances and potentially appearing arrogantly conceited, versus (2) remaining silent and potentially appearing a snob. So, you see my dilemma - I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't. Thus, I generally resort to the former, as I feel it is the lesser of two evils (not to mention that it is liberating and generally easier) to be a transparent, conceited monomaniac than to be a deceptive, snobbish recluse. Who knows, maybe it is therapeutic to verbalize my curiosities, and someday I will have simply run out of questions. My true challenge then, is to take extra care to be extremely humble in my thirst for knowledge, especially in a social atmosphere. I need wisdom to know when it is appropriate to be open with my curiosities, and when I should be quiet because it is distracting. I am reminded of 1 Cor. 10:23-24:
23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. 24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for making me the unique person that I am. Lord, please continue to shape me into the person you want me to be. Lord, do not let me be proud, arrogant, conceited, or snobbish, but please help me be humble, kind, compassionate, personal, and transparent. Lord, I pray that you will give me wisdom to know when it is beneficial for me to share my curiosities with others and when it is distracting. Lord, I don't want the center of attention to be on me, because you alone are worthy of all praise! I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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