Granted, He is eternal, slow to anger, patient in His longsuffering, etc. for which I am genuinely thankful. What I don't understand is why He is so slow to change me once I do believe? Why does He take SO LONG to sanctify me, even when I beg Him to do so? I even ask Him to accelerate my sanctification! Why is it taking so long? Since He has called me to be holy as He is holy, then why would He take so long in making me holy?
I acknowledge that the following logical implication is false (because the Holy Scriptures testify otherwise), but it feels like since God has all the time in the world, He will take FOREVER to sanctify me. It feels like He has no sense of urgency, which leads me to feel like He is not really that interested in me. It's like redox reaction kinetics instead of acid-base reaction kinetics. I think that since there is an "infinite thermodynamic driving force" for this reaction (i.e., metamorphosis into holiness) to occur, that the kinetics should be extremely fast - like acid-base reactions. However, it feels to me like God is so slow like the oxidation of iron metal (i.e., rust) which takes decades to complete in a thick piece of iron.
I'm just frustrated because I pray for God to clean me up and make me Holy (which is something that His Word says He wants), and I pray for my marriage to be a demonstration of Christ and the Church (which is something that His Word says He wants), and I pray for God to work through me to bring my family, friends, and coworkers to faith in Christ (which is something that His Word says He wants), and I pray for God to work through me to share the Gospel around the world, especially to those who have not yet heard (which is something that His Word says He wants), and I pray for God to defeat Satan in my life and make me an overcomer who experiences the Victorious Life of Christ (which is something that His Word says He wants), SO WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!!! Why doesn't He just do it?! It feels like He doesn't want to.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm trying to seek you, which your Word says you will not deny; in fact, your Word says you will answer those who seek you with all of their heart. Will you please help me seek you with all of my heart so I can experience you? I sincerely ask you to accelerate my sanctification. I'm tired of living a marginal life. Will you please explode in my life? Will you please erupt with mighty works that bring you glory? Will you please pour out your Spirit upon me and through me so that you will recieve praise and honor? Will you please change me to be a husband that operates like Christ? Will you please do something amazing in my life? Will you please lead me to share the Gospel around the world, to lead others to lifestyle evangelism, to be a part of the Body of Christ where you would have me be, to train others to be a part of the Body, to be an overcomer, and to train others to be overcomers? Will you please lead me to the Victorious Life in Christ. I ask you this in the name of Jesus Christ, which your Word says you will honor. Amen.
Shane, I want to bring encouragement for you, and through this time of frustration. I can totally relate with this. I hate to fail, and I hate to disappoint the Lord, my family, and others because of my failures. I've asked myself the same questions as well.
ReplyDeleteFrom my own study on this, and how the Lord has spoken to me on this subject, I wanted to share what I believe the reasons to be on why He doesn't work in us this way. Of course, I say this so you can have a different point of view to study for yourself, and give the opportunity to the Lord to teach and show you why as well.
One reason I think He does not give us perfection up front is that it would be the death of us physically (I Corinthians 13:10-12). I know a lot of people use these verses to say that the Gifts of the Spirit does not apply to us; but they leave out verse 10, that says these things will be over and done with when perfection has come. I tend to think that this perfection that is coming is Christ. So to be "face to face" with perfection, means the death of imperfection (eg-our mortal life of sin). So if this is the case, then how could others turn to Christ?
Another reason is a catch 22. How could we effectively reach others, being perfect? I have an easier time bringing people to a decision point by sharing my current imperfections and how Christ has given me His strength to overcome. Is this not our "testimony" we are to share? The catch 22 of it all is: "How do I grow in a relationship if I don't face difficulty within that relationship?" "How can I be perfect, without overcoming imperfection?" "How can I trust someone in my weakness, unless I have a chance to face my weakness and in that I am given the opportunity to trust?"
Finally, where would God's grace apply in our daily lives? Is this not the whole point to salvation (Ephesians 2:4-9)? I think of how I was raised. I had to work for a lot of what I have been given in life. Sure there were a ton of times my parents provided for me as a child, and there were a lot of things they continued to provide for me when I was old enough to work (shelter, food, hygiene products, a vehicle, etc); but there was a lot of things I had to work and pay for myself (clothing, gas, college, entertainment, etc). The things I worked for taught me how to be content with what I had, and appreciate what I've worked so hard to obtain. More importantly, it also help me recognize my deficiencies. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wanted to do something, and couldn't do it because I didn't have the means. It happened to me when I was going to college. I was $2000 short going into the week of orientation, the only people who knew were my parents; and I didn't think I was going to get to go. My boss at the grocery store I worked at gave me a "scholarship donation" that more than made up the difference, and I was able to use that opportunity to share how the Lord answered my prayer. I was able to use that opportunity to share Christ with him. Even though he didn't make a decision, a seed was planted.
This is an example of grace! How could I share that example with anyone if I was perfect? How could I even begin to understand the character of God if I was perfect? But through my imperfections I find the wisdom, understanding, knowledge, discernment, grace, mercy, love, and character of the Lord.
Those are a few reasons I found in my own questioning. I hope you find encouragement through this, and it helps point you in a good direction to study this yourself, to find God's peace in your questions.