Through several experiences the past couple of days, the Lord has exposed impatience within my heart, and I am ashamed of my passive-aggressive behavior and lack of self-control. Recently, I have been eating too much food (gluttony), and I have been really short with my wife. On Sunday, as we drove back from my cousin's wedding, we were having great conversation. As we were talking, our conversation turned to our frustration with the Lord not yet blessing us with a child, and my wife was trying to communicate to my that she has come to a place of accepting the Lord's will and trusting Him no matter what. But foolishly, before I let her finish, I got hung up on the way she said something, assumed that she was implying something else, got really upset and defensive, and then offensive. I reacted fiercely, and I was so wrong. I gave "full vent to anger", and I am so ashamed.
After I finally gave her a chance to explain herself, I realized how stupid I had been. And before the conversation was over, I apologized, and she mercifully forgave me. I asked the Lord to forgive me, but I have remained acutely aware of my foolishness.
Last night I woke up about 2:30, and my heart was heavy because of my recent foolish behavior. I finally got out of bed and got down on my knees and humbled myself before the Lord and asked Him to forgive me and make me holy. These verses are so encouraging to me this morning:
Proverbs 3
11 My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline,
and don't be upset when he corrects you.
12 For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
11 My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline,
and don't be upset when he corrects you.
12 For the Lord corrects those he loves,
just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
Psalm 34
4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
he saved me from all my troubles.
7 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
I need the Lord to deliver me from my mechanical behavior and fill me with His joy and compassion so that others will be able to taste and see that the LORD is good. And, as one of the Brothers says, I need to repent, apply the Blood of Christ, and move on in Grace.4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
he saved me from all my troubles.
7 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for your compassionate mercy and grace. Lord, I praise you for the work of your hands which testifies of your person. Lord, I praise you because your character is so beautiful. Lord, I have tasted, and I have seen that you are good. Father, thank you for your faithful and loving discipline. Lord, I am such a fool, and I need you to save me from my self. Lord, please humble me and teach me to fear you so that I will walk in your ways. Dear Father, please be patient with me and give me the joy and radiance that comes from walking with you personally. Lord, help me delight in you and love you with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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